peace and gratitude

I had a really sweet day today, sad and lonely at first, the mind busy with thoughts about what could be better. I cried some and took a long nap, and that was nourishing. Then I talked with a friend who is in The Work, and I got to see how if I will treat myself like a dear loved one, there is peace, and gratitude. I like my company, I'm easy (for me) to get along with, we like all the same music and food! So the rest of the day was delightful, I walked by the river, cooked some yummy food, and enjoyed the peace that was so deeply and readily available.

I am continually amazed by the transformations that are available with the simple process of questioning stressful thinking. I say it's simple. It is that, and lasting change is also a long process in my experience. It is the undoing of generations of thought. I started this process in 2003, and often wish it was moving along faster with it's evolution in me, but hey, that's just another stressful thought!! I am grateful for this tool that rocks my world.

What I know is when I'm hurting, I'm believing something that isn't true for me. It can be a puzzle to figure out what it is, but once I get to it, always peace, space, aliveness returns, and I am so grateful.

Happy Solstice and Merry Christmas!

Tara

Over and out

I just want to let you all know that I am not writing much these days. I'm struggling with feeling sad, lonely, overwhelmed much of the time. I am working, caring for Cameron, our home, spending time with friends. All that goes pretty well, the sadness comes and goes but isn't everpresent anymore. Sometimes I'm just a person for a while and I'm grateful for that. But home alone, I'm not doing so well. I have experienced depression before, and feel close to that at times.

I am doing what I know to do, or as much of it as I can muster. Some of the simple things, like walking every day seem too hard, or too exposed, vulnerable. I've always gotten through times like this before and I know I will get through this too. I am planning to do more of The Work with a skilled facilitator beginning in the new year. In the past that has bouyed me, freed me of the oppressiveness of overwhelm and sadness.

I also know lots of people are struggling, this time of year with the holidays and lack of sunlight can be hard of many of us. And I have so much to be grateful for, I feel sad that I'm not more aware of it, but then that's just more sadness! Uggh. It does feel circular, and tough to reverse the downward trend. I am doing what I can, and holding some trust that the next thing will indeed come and I will be here for it.

I also decided to write privately now when I do write, as much of it involves other people and that isn't fair to post on the internet.

So, much love. Thank you for your support during the last months of David's life, it was an amazing time of heart-cracked-open and I love that kind of availability to one another. Thanks too for your love for him, or me, always, and for being yourself in the world. We really are all in this together.

If you want to reach me at some point, my email is tarademere@gmail.com. Phone is 207-338-9999.

Over and out.

Tara